Someone on the board had a question about PTSD last week. I found a link that might be helpful.


http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/reliving.cfm

Kathy

thank you belinda

for everyone out there

I know summer time is here and everyone is busy but hey, I am still here, I think.

PTSD- Post traumatic stress disorder

I know a few or more of you out there suffer from PTSD. I'd like to hear from all of you out there. I'd like to know how PTSD effects you or your loved ones. And, how long they have been living with it. How does it effect your daily lives.

For those of you who have not been "diagnosed" with it but live with it, I'd like your input also.

I am going to start this off with my experiances.

My injury was 20 months ago. I was diagnosed at 8 months into the injury by a neuropsychologist at university. At 20 months now, I though maybe the PTSD had left the brain. I was wrong. It is back and didn't even know it. Others sure did. I have been living with depression for well over a month now. My doctors and people around me have noticed. DUHHH I am always the last to know. I stopped long enough to think about it and yes they are right. I can see the changes in me now that they have noticed and said something about it. Nightmares and disturbing dreams are back. I wake up with my jaw clamped shut and hurting. I have been withdrawn to the point I missed 2 weeks of appointments and didn't even realize I had not left the house for days.

For the past few months, my pain has been managable and now the severe pain, burning, pins and needles, muscles freezing up, insomnia, headaches and much more are back.

I am getting a lot of numbness(?) in my brain. Like dizziness but not really. I am having a hard time discribing it. It feels like maybe the top back of my head is having a seizure. But MRI's showed no seizure activity. I have not had a recent MRI, but I had one last summer and it was negitive. I have had this feeling before.

I am not really looking for answers. I just want to talk about it. It is so frustrating! Do we ever really make any progress? If not, then why do we keep looking for progress?

Is there anyone out there, who has had PTSD and made permanant improvement?

I just wanted to talk.

Hello,
Doctors have never told me straight out that I have PTSD, but a few have hinted. I am now on Paxil and have been for 6 years it does help a little but still have all my problems, they are not as bad as when I first started seeing doctors. I have also learned to deal with my symptons and most of the time can overcome them.
I had an electrical shock 7 years ago, April 20, at 12:50 P.M., most people who have had an accident like mine, can tell you the date, time, place it occured. I wish I could forget it but since it changed my life I can't and never will, but it has become easier to deal with over time.
Over time I have found that I know what is going on with my symptons and can deal with them better but some days I can't so I stay home and let them pass. I also have a talk with myself and my attitude, sometimes my attitude wins, but I am winning a little more now.
I am like you sometimes I just want to talk, this help me a great deal. No one around me understands better than people like you. Most people just look at me and think there is nothing wrong with me, they don't understand, I look healthy and act O.K. (they don't know what I am hiding inside. THEY JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND, do they?
Thanks for listening.

That discription sounds a lot like what I am experiencing. It has been about a year and a half for me. Some times I do much better than others. A few months ago, I felt I was making good progress, and perhaps it was going to be behind me soon, and here I am lately feeling much like I did when I first left the hospital. I believe I may have set my goals too high, and then suffered a relaps when I couldn't meet those objectives. I often find myself committing to things I used to do well, and am consumed with frustration and disbelief when I fail at simple tasks.
Peaple ask how I am doing, and I just want to unload, but they really don't want to hear what I want to say. And niether do I when I ask someone casually " how are you?" I mean think about it. That is why peaple get paid so much to hear your problems. It's not a pleasant thing to do. I think I was probably the worst offender prior to my misfortune. If I didn't see anything wrong on the outside of a person, I dont think I had a lot of time for them, unless it involved the loss of a loved one or something. Even then, I expected them to just get over it, and move on after a while, except maybe with older peaple.
Well, here I am, really understanding now. I feel myself grabbing for the life ring, but at the same time, trying to stand tall around my wife and little girl, hiding the worst of it from them. When I make my family happy and more secure, it makes me feel better.

Hi Doug,
Don't you just want to scream at people and say "I feel like sh-- and I really don't understand why but since you ask - and go on and tell them about your feelings". I know people mean well but sometimes it makes me mad when they ask. I usally answer people by saying ABOUT THE SAME because answering I'm O.K. is a lie and I don't believe in lying.
I have been having a bad week so excuse me for sounding off. I know I have problems and I know other people have worse ones, but sometimes I don't care, I just feel sorry for myself. I guess one reason that I feel sorry for myself is that I don't have any problems that can be seen by people, like a broken leg or scares, so people just don't know I'm have problems.
Glad to here from you, write again, it's good to talk with people who understand!!!!

Hi Doug and Lee, thank you for responding. I feel like we have really connected on this. It really helps a lot knowing we can come here and talk to people who really understand.

Can I ask you, how does it effect your work? Anyone? I don't work and haven't since the accident. I have a hard enough time just trying to get through the day. My life has changed so much. I used to work at least 45 hours a week when this accident happend. I had a big house and big yard 4 kids 3 dogs 2 cats and a rabbit to care for by myself. I supported them all. I lived in a small town in Iowa. I enjoyed life to the fullest. I even won the yard of the month award in our little town. I loved my job. I wanted it for years and finally got into the company. Now, I don't have any money(of my own) I lost 2 of my kids, but I have one of them back. I haven't seem my 17 year old baby boy for almost a year. Breaks my heart. They have really suffered from injury and the PTSD. They didn't understand it. My 17 year old son and I had a wonderful bond, our communication was a parents dream. Then I was injured. It hit him real hard. Him mom was gone. It hit him like I was dead but yet I was still there, just not the same. He blamed me for taking his mom away from him. My 13 year old daughter was an all time honor roll student involved in all sports and played the flute and self taught sax. She was on the student council and year book committee. When the accident happened, she dropped down to D's , dropped all sports, and band. She was missing school or coming home early. She was so worried she made herself sick so she could be home to make sure I was "ok". It devastated my whole life and my kids life and I lost my house. I had a lot of equity in it. Now, 20 months later, we are still trying to pick up all the pieces. The PTSD keeps interfering. The pain interferes, the mood swings interfers. I lost my 2 oldest and now my daughter is with me but I miss my son so much.

I love working in my yard. But, it really bothers my health. I can olny go out there for about 10 minutes and I have to stop. The pain gets unbarable and I get dizzy and the sweat just pours down. A lot of people (mostly in the family) wonder why I can't work. Even my husband has a hard time because the financial burden is all on him. He doesn't understand this injury either. That makes me mad. I don't know what I can do or say that will help him understand. He sees me out working in the yard and wonders why I can get a job if I can work in the year. But what he and people fail to see is how it effects me. 10 minutes of yard work does not compare to 8 hours in a job. And that 10 minutes really effects me. Yes it just makes me want to screem!!!

I have a 10 year old son who is Bipolar. It is an inherited mental disorder from his father. Bipolar is mania and manic depression both. His is like a tornado. It rapid cycling. He goes from one extreme to the other in just minutes. He is extremely dangerous when he gets really depressed. I thank God for this devastating injury sometimes because now, I can relate to and understand my son. We have a better bond now. With his bipolar, he often feels alone like no one understands him. Now he has me.

I would really like to hear from you (Doug and Lee) and anyone else out there. It is hitting me really bad right now and can't seem to pull out of it.

Kelly

Kelly, I can really relate to what you are discrbeibing. Were you hit by lightning or electrical? I am self employed, and love my work. I just can't do it now. Even simple tasks that I could easily have done in hours often take weeks, if I am able to do them at all. Often my wife will beg me just to give it up for a while, and go to something simpler, because she cannot bare my frustrations. My 2 1/2 year old daughter comes to me and offers to help me "so I won't be so sad". I experience unbelievable levels of frustration over something as simple as trying to read a direction. You mentioned "pulling out of it" this is not like normal, where you know you are in a crappy mood, and take immediate steps to correct it, our at least are aware of it, and go do something fun to blow it off. This creaps up on you, and has you overwelmed to the point that you often need help of you loved ones to crawl out of it. My awareness and perception is so dull, I am often un aware when I am over welmed. Sounds and lights can really affect me, and I do not realise it until it has all ready taken over. Your family needs to understand you, which fortunately for me, mine does, but you also need to understand your family. I mean, could you possibly concieved of this if it hadn't happened to you? I can't begin to claim I would have been as understanding if it would have been someone else. I might have been one of those assholes that say just get it together.

I forgot to mention the most important thing, PRAY!

Hi Doug,

It was a Friday morning and I had to take my son(15) to the doctor to get a pin taken out of his hand that he had broke(quality mother son time). He was at that age were he was proud of his accomplishment. He received a lot of sympathy from the girls. I was soon off to work. I had a route of machines that I was responsible for. The route was within a 100 mile or so range. My first stop had a machine down. I knew ahead of time that I had to work on it. It was in a bowling alley in a small town. The owner and an employee were there and the employee had been talking to me. He went to another room and I went to get a new part out of my car. Quickly installed the part and was putting it into place when it grabbed me and I could not let go. In the right hand and out the left forearm. Electricity has a mind of it's own. I remember some of the details clearly while I was being shocked but don't but can't go into that right now. So, to answer your question, it was electricity.

This one creeped up on me. Not really sure when it started. I am usually really good at keeping in touch on the forum and a few other e-mails. I guess I lost touch with everyone for awhile. I missed 2 weeks of appointments and didn't leave the house, not realizing it at the time. Normally I am good at being a "taxi" for my kids but really slacked at taking them places. I caught on to the depression when my doctor started noticing, the nightmares came back and other strange things. My husband questioned it too. When I finally realized that maybe I WAS going through a mood, I thought I had pulled out of it but guess I was wrong. I was so bad yesterday that I hardly remember a thing. I didn't function at all. I was numb from brain to toes. I am a little more co herant today but I blew up at my husband and don't know why. No tolerance for my kids today either. I am just a mess. My husband doesn't understand and doesn't even try. We are going to be in family counceling soon. I have the first step taken and have all of the paper work done. We have an appointment in a couple weeks. I need someone to help me pull out of it but I don't have anyone to help me with it. Bright lights and loud noises also bother me and, crowds.

I don't think I would have been able to understand it if it happened to someone else. But somethings I might have because of 4 years a therapy with my bipolar son(10) and his father.

I also go through days of not being able to sleep but a few hours. I will get a couple hours at night ( early morning ) then wake up full of energy for a couple hours then totally exhausted to the point I can't sleep. Vicious cycle that last a couple weeks at a time.

Now I am getting to the point I am wiped out and hopefully I will pass out and be out for a couple days. Thats usually what happens.

I jerk and twitch a lot at night. Sometimes pretty hard and wake up drenched in sweat when it is cool in the room.

Sometimes I see and hear things that don't really exist, but then maybe they do. And sometimes I have trouble putting words together. Crying is the worst. Suddenly and for no reason and last for hours. Everything is so frustrating. I just hate it!

I do have a strong faith in God and that is what gets me through each day. And, all the people from this forum get me through the tough times.

I know I had more to say when I started this tonight but now I am lost. Time for me to sleep.

YOU ALL ARE GREAT, KEEP WRITING! THANKS DOUG!

kelly

Hello,
How are you doiing?
I had a bad month and am still trying to fight off depression, well not so much depression as I don't want to be around people, I just like staying home. I don't even like to answer the telephone, if my husband isn't home I let the answering machine get it. If he's home I feel like I need to answer because he doesn't understand my moods.
I don't work anymore. I'm on Social Security disability, I don't and haven't told people this because I know they look at me and wonder why I'm disabled. They don't see the times I have to sit or lay down just to fix a meal or feel the pain in my body 24-7, so I figure it's my bussines and none of theirs. I worked all my life and I do miss working if only my life or physical condition was like it use to be.
Hope everyone had a good 4th of July

hi lee: i want you to know you are not alone, we are constantly fighting the depression , you know we as humans have a terrible fault of trying to judge others and we have not been in there shoes or even attempted to walk a step in there shoes. todays society simply assumes, gee if you can walk, talk, move just a little, smile or just try to assume a normal life that there is simply nothing wrong with us. but like you stated they have no conception of the pain we are in. sure we try to walk but with every step there is pain, or yes i went out of the house so you assume nothing the matter with me and there goes another person trying to rip off the system, yes ignorance is blind and stupid. but try not to let others get to you. i have been thru this for many yrs and it is hard but they have no concept of what we are going thru unless there have been thru this and know what we are talking about. do not feel ashamed for having the social security disabilty, we paid into the system and we deserve it..one should not feel that they have to explain everything to people, do they really care or simply just to run there mouth and have no idea what they are talking about! there are lots of us out here to help you and just to listen, so it helps to vent...hang in there , take care
barb

Hi Lee,

My husband, Kevin, saw me outside in the yard trimming trees(that I can reach from the ground). We got into an arguement about it. He questioned why I could go out and do stuff like that in the yard and not help him do things on the other house. We just sold a house but haven't closed on it yet and have basic cleaning and stuff. He has not done anything with this new house. My kids have been great at helping me.

I spend a lot of time in my beautiful yard. I do this because it takes me away from the reality of the world at least for part of the day. It is like therapy. I plant flowers and water them and care for them everyday. Everyday I see something grow and blossom.

There is a difference between working 8 hours a day, 40 hours a week and doing something that takes our mind off the pain and reality that life will never be the same.

Friends and family and people in general may occaisionally drive by and see me out in the yard. They may see me watering a flower or playing with my lab pup Taylor(never leaves my side). My husband comes home and sees me doing these things and wonders.

When I am out there, they do not see that my arms and shoulders are cramping up and the burning is increasing. The drenching sweat is dripping down my face. My heart is beating hard and fast. They do not see the half hour breaks I take after only a half hour of work. They do not see that my back is in such pain that I can hardly move. These people did not see that the pain and work was so much that I din't function for two days because I over did it.

My husband did appologize. He is learning and trying. He is wonderful and I love him dearly.

We just came back from a three day weekend at the lake. Lots of fishing, great weather and quality family time. Now, my wrist is stiff and shoulder is really sore from the casting. People don't see the pain. They also didn't see the times I had to lay down because my head was so dizzy I couldn't hardly stand up. Yes I went on a short vacation, but this doesn't mean I am not injured and I am not suffering.

Work Comp filmed me walking my dog in an empty field next to my home. I slowly walked and he ran unleashed. They told me this proves I can work. They have all the proof they need.

People who are injured, or have a disease or whatever the case may be, suffer. Why do the healthy ones work so hard to deny us our pain? Where is all of the compassion in the world? It reminds me of all the nature shows I watch. They prey on the weak and vulnerable.

We, the injured, are caring compassionate human beings. Because of our injuries, we are capable of understanding and caring even more. They should treasure us instead of abuse us.

I feel that I am more aware, more compassionate, and understanding now after my injury than before. This injury has made me a better person and I try to focus on this when I, myself, am feeling down.

Kelly

I guess it is true WE learn by our mistakes, and believe me we can call our accidents a big mistake.
I have learned to love every moment of every day as if it might be my last because it was almost my last 7 years ago.
When I get really down and feel sorry for myself I only have to think of my neighbor and her problems. In Dec she lost her husband to cancer. He was 51 years old. In July she took her 9 year old grandson with her to visit her daughter, son-n-law, and her granddaughter. They were all in the car when a truck hit them in the back pushing them into other traffic. She had an injuried ankle, the grandson got a broken arm, the granddaughter wasn't hurt (thank God for car seats), the son-n-law had a cut on his head, but her daughter was killed. She copes her loss everyday. I worry about her and this (sad as it sounds) help me cope with my pain and problems. She understands having depression even if we have it for different reasons, we can talk to each other. She understands when I don't feel like talking because she gets that way also.
I will admit I too, sometimes, looked at people who parked in handicap places and thought they didn't look like they needed it, they must be using someone elses card. Well my accdident sure has changed my way of thinking.
As for Work Comp I tried but no doctor would ever say my pain was from my accident. One doctor said after 2 years had gone by that the electricty had done more than they realized. It was to late to do anything than with Work Comp. I think, no I know, Work Comp sucks for us who really-really have problems. It's like a lot of things in life, a few bad apples (people) has made it bad for all of us.
Better stop now, I get started and can't stop.

You guys are really strong! All of you! Thanks for all of your messages, You give me my strength
everyday I come on this discussion board.My thoughts & prayers are with you, As I hope yours are with my family, Belinda

You guys hang in there & you never need to worry about what anyone else is thinking. A real true friend never judges a book by its cover!
You all have strengths to endure severe pain. What you live with everyday is enough.

Lee has the statutes of limitations ran out for your injury in your state? WC can still be held responsible for this. Your right they totally suck. But it might be worth your time to contact a WC lawyer in your area. Open the can of worms WC is trying to close.
Good luck to all......Kathy B

Will everyone please help the ones who cannot get pain medication at all because of FDA harrassment of doctors. Get doctors and congressmen/women to help. Visit the info page Mensana has giving facts on FDA Anesthetic and Life Support Drugs Advisory Committee Meeting to be 9/13-14/01 and get your doctors and congresspersons to submit appeals for help for patients who can't get pain medication, though drug addicts always seem to get what they want. It's time to ignore the addicts at times and be compassionate toward pain patients. Pain patients aren't so stupid as to want to use more and more medication; we care more than ANYONE ELSE that medication continues to work to give us the relief that the small amounts we take do. This year, I heard two FDA officers on a talk/interview show say they would investigate anyone who took as many as four pain pills in a day. How many more years must this type of hysteria and ignorance go on? Some of our states have Intractable Pain Statutes to help, but most do not. Millions suffer debilitating pain who don't have cancer but have no relief. Now I have to lie down and meditate because arms/hands hurt from writing this. Please and thanks. I have to post "anonymous" or have myself and my doctor harassed by FDA.

To Anonyous 6/20 Has your doctor tried anti-convulsants? 300 mg 3/day of Neurontin (very expensive) has cleared my brain immensely, along with the fact that amitryptyline? gets me 5 to 8 hours sleep at night without waking in pain to turn every 15 mins or so.

Hi Gig, 6/20 here

Yes I do take Neurontin 300mg 3x/day. I have been taking it for several months now. It did improve things for awhile but seems to have gotten worse lately. I very seldom sleep for more than 3-4 hours at a time and thats if I am really exhausted.

Kelly

This site is a revelation to me.. your experiences are as mine,,, you are all so right Workcover sucks.

In 1986, I was laying on the floor frying from the mains,, 35 seconds ruined my life.

I remember thinking "this thing is killing me and there is nothing I can do" I had given up and was ready to die.

the power was cut off and I survived,, Oh how I wish I was in a wheel chair or something,, then people could see I was hurt.

I got a part time job to fool people into thinking I work full time.

you are right,, they don't understand,,

Noel

Hi there.
I just left a LOONG message under electrical shock and lightning stike injuries. Let me see if I can copy and paste to here
~ nope - the gluestick isn't working.

I'm not a doctor, and I don't play one on television, but I think that the PTSD would be secondary to the injury itself. The whole chicken and the egg thing - which came first?

If you get a chance, go to the lightning strike injury site and read what I wrote about my experience at Mensana, the tests performed, etc.

As for people close to you not understanding, there is a great book called "Beyond Chaos -- One Man's Jorney With His Chronically Ill Wife" - it is great for both patient and spouse/friends/significant others.

I met so many people at Mensana while I was there in June who were also battling Workmen's Comp ~ the stories are horrifying! My situation is a bit different in that mine is a freaky virus/disease thing that is growing on my brain. I should have listened to those who said "A rolling stone gathers no moss." I must not have been using my brain enough, so CMV decided to grow.

Instead of rambling on here, I will just close with a quote - "Those who say it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it."

There are so many hands here for you to grab when you feel your lousiest. Just reach out ~~ (oh no, now I am singing the telephone company song - Reach out, reach out and touch someone . . .) my illness has given me license to go completly bonkers. I wonder if those lovely little white jackets that tie in the back come in silk - my skin is so sensitive to fabrics now. My husband thinks it is an excuse to have expensive clothes. Nope ~ I am just hyper-sensitive to fabrics now.

byeeeeeeeeeeeee

Susanna aka Su

you know one would think that after yrs of nightmares that we would get use to it but i sure do not, had a bad one again last night, you know how many times does one have to re-live being hurt and injuried.. i just do not get use to these damn nightmares..and according to some of the quacko drs , i do not go to bed or think thru the daytime of nothing but my injury , hell i still have a life and who in the hell is doing to seat around dwelling, thinking, gee if only i could have another nightmare about what happened , where do some of these quacks come from? why is that alot of dr's who have no concept of things , stated "it is all in our heads" well i vented ,enough for me.

I agree!!!!!!!!
I don't understand the medical people! If they go to school and are so darn smart, why can't they get it in their heads about people who have had an accident like ours (lightning and electical). We do have pain and everthing else that we all know goes with our accident, why can't they realize if all of us have these sysptoms, we all are not CRAZY. Let them get with the program. Maybe they need to read page two of the program, also they need to look at the players and authurs of the movie, check with the producers and credits of the movie, than maybe they would learn more.
I, as a player, think we need to educate them as much as possible.
I get really tired of telling them what they should look for, where they should look, books, doctors reports, LSESSI papers, & etc. They just don't get it!
I think , if nothing else comes of my accident, that I can help someone else who gets hurt by educatiing the medical people understand us, maybe that's God plan for me.
A few months ago a young man was badly hurt by electricity. I talked with his family, took them papers and everything I had about symptoms and problems we do and can have. Told them to show his doctors. I gave them web sites and different places to go on the internet, like this one, to chat to other survivors. I checked back with them several times and they said they couln't thank me enough for the information.
He is home now, and as we know is doing the best he can. He had to have one leg taken off because of burns.
JUST ANOTHER DAY - - - Thanks for listening!

I agree also there's no way everyone that has these injuries! That it's all in their head. And they want to have bad dreams.I think they are scared to say anything. or something?? I wish I could understand all this?? but I do believe god has his reasons??

Does anyone know if they cuss alot since their shock?

Thanks Belnda

dear belinda: yes i cuss alot now, this injury has changed me...it not only changes our personality but does weird things to our body, i esp notice the cussing when the pain becomes unbearable and i get extremely tired, i do not mean to say these things but it is like we cannot control it. i do not if it is from the tbi or what but something. but do not give up on us for our family means the world to us and will help us get thru this. you are right god does have plans for us, it maybe not what we would chose but he is not done with us, i do believe it has made me a stronger more compassionate person, when my mind and memory are working...lol

Well, I guess I NEED too talk to somebody that has gone through this too. I just turned 31 & got an electrical shock Nov'98. I was talknig to a patients dad (I do orthodontics) & blurted out that I had been elecrticuted (you can call it what you want!!) & he told me his wife too had been electricuted @ work. I was talking to him just fine, he put his wife on the phone for less than 5 minutes & I couldn't help but break out in tears (I really can't stand loseing control, especialy @ work!!). Otherwise, I'm pretty numb, which really sucks for my husband, we got married 5mos after my accident (& I almost called it off!). So when & where is the next meeting??? & does anybody else live in Dutchess county NY??? Monica

sorry to hear about your electrical shock injury. i also want you to know you are not alone.. it is a very very traumatic thing to go thru and to re-live it is difficult...it helps to talk about the injury and what happened but also that can be painful and yes it can cause alot of emotions just discussing what happened..it is like we cannot control ourselves and our emotions...this can be hard on your and the family but at the same token the family really helps one get thru all this.. i got hurt in 95 and there is lots who have been going thru this alot longer than i and they still tell me things. it helps to talk with others emensily...ptsd is difficult you had a traumatic thing happen to you , please find the time to talk with someone and all of us out here who know what you are going thru. hang in there and give it your best shot...